Before the Knock on the Door: Lessons Learned as a Casualty Assistance Calls Officer
By Capt Brandon Gallahue
On August 26, 2021 I was about a mile into an evening run when my phone rang and the Company 1stSgt’s name came across the screen. At the time, I was a 1st Lieutenant assigned to the Inspector & Instructor (I&I) staff for Site Support 29 Palms, 4th Tank Battalion. I picked up the phone and after a quick back and forth, he asked “Sir, are your Alpha’s ready? We have a CACO assignment and the CO wants you to do it. Can you come back in?” Earlier in the day, the news reported a suicide bomber had attacked ongoing evacuation operations at Hamid Karzai International Airport. The number of casualties was still a matter of public speculation when I received the call.
After we finished up the conversation, I sprinted back to my house, grabbed my uniforms, and drove to our office space. Upon arrival, I received multiple briefs over the phone and instructions via email with exactly where I was going, who I was going to meet with, and what information I had to deliver/receive from them. My instructions were clear: go to this address and inform Mr. Herman Lopez and Mrs. Alicia Lopez that their son, Corporal Hunter Lopez, was Killed In Action. Additionally, I had to get some initial information from his parents to assist in coordinating multiple immediate events.
Within an hour or two of arriving back at the office, dressed in Service Alphas, Sgt Peck (A Marine from my unit who was assisting me in my duties) and I departed for the Lopez family’s house. As Sgt Peck drove, I rehearsed what I was going to say and envisioned how this first encounter would go. It was imperative that when I informed them of their son's death, it had to be as direct and clear as to why I was there and what I was telling them.
As the minutes ticked down on the GPS, I went through a few more mental rehearsals and rechecked my uniform. We pulled into their neighborhood and drove slowly towards their house to give us time to accurately identify which house we were going to. Once we identified the house, we pulled past it (we were instructed to do this to give us a few extra seconds from when we exited the vehicle to when we made our way to the front door). Sgt Peck and I briefly looked each other over, exited the vehicle, and made our way to the front door.
As I knocked on the front door, I was met by Hunter’s brother, Owen. Shortly after, headlights appeared in the driveway and it was Mrs. Lopez. We made our way into the kitchen and after a few minutes, Mr. Lopez entered the house. I then stated “My name is 1stLt Brandon Gallahue, the Commandant of the Marine Corps has entrusted me to express to you his deep regret that your son, Corporal Hunter Lopez, was killed in action.”
After the initial shock of what I just told them, I was asked a series of questions of what happened, how it happened, etc. I did not have the answers to those questions. Notification happens very quickly after the death of a service member to ensure that they are notified properly (by a service member in uniform, in-person.) This prevents them from finding out from the news, social media, friends, or other service members. Due to the short timeline between death and notification, the full details of what happened were still unknown. Additionally, I was repeatedly instructed to never speculate and that “I’m sorry I do not know but I will find out” is a more appropriate answer until you are 100% certain in the answer to the question.
After I gathered necessary information that was deemed time critical, I left my contact information with the Lopez’s and told them I would be back tomorrow. Sgt Peck and I offered condolences for their loss on behalf of the Marine Corps again, but also our personal condolences as well. We departed the house and had a 90 minute drive back to Twentynine Palms. It was a quiet ride home. I spent the next 14 days with the Lopez Family as we navigated a series of administrative requirements, events, and funeral planning.
Serving as a CACO is a hard assignment and undoubtedly the hardest assignment I have undertaken. However, it is necessary and a duty we must all prepare to uphold. Serving as a CACO is a commitment to a fellow Marine and their family. It is the embodiment of Semper Fidelis. This article is my humble attempt to try and fill gaps in the existing training, focusing on the human and emotional demands of this billet.
Gaps in CACO Education
For those unfamiliar, an additional duty for Marines assigned to I&I stations is serving as CACOs within their geographic area. The duties of a CACO are wide ranging, from notification of a fallen service member's families of their death to assisting in multiple administrative requirements. Above all, you serve as a liaison between the deceased service members' loved ones and the United States Marine Corps as they navigate an extremely emotional and life changing event.
CACO training generally consists of a series of online modules within MarineNet or a day long in person lecture style class. I did not complete this training prior to being assigned as a CACO. After completing the training some months later, I can say with experience and hindsight, that the knowledge you receive from the course is administratively sound, but is lacking in critical areas.
The real gap with CACO training is the human dimension and it cannot be fully replicated online, in lectures, or in a training event.
I felt that my time as a platoon commander better prepared me for this role. I had to communicate with a wide range of people across varying topics. It placed a premium on my ability to speak clearly, listen, and read social cues while discussing various topics that evoked all types of emotions. Regardless of training or mentorship from previous CACOs, you can never be 100% ready for the assignment. Humans grieve and react to traumatic events differently and due to the immense emotion associated with loss, experiences will differ.
What Is Left Unsaid
This article is my advice to future CACOs. Again, every family’s needs are different, but what follows is my attempt to identify universal principles that should assist you across the spectrum of grief and pain.
Communicate Clearly and with Certainty
As a CACO, deliberate, clear, and accurate communication is a must. Speak only objectively, and avoid speculation or intentional/unintentional “softening” of difficult statements or facts. This will feel unnatural and a “cold” way of delivering information. It is human nature to attempt to comfort others, to the point of being disingenuous, when addressing a painful reality. One must recognize that there is potentially more harm done to the Marine’s loved ones if you speculate or leave anything open to personal interpretation. There must be no question as to why you are there and what you are saying.
“The Commandant of the Marine Corps has entrusted me to express his deep regret that your son/daughter/spouse, rank/name, was Killed In Action/has died.”
This statement is intentionally straight forward and leaves no question as to what you are saying. Despite hundreds of rehearsals enroute to Lopez Family’s home, it is the hardest sentence I have ever verbally expressed. However, it must be said, in that manner, and delivered professionally.
Rehearse exactly how you will inform them as to why you are there. Say it slowly, clearly, and calmly. While it is difficult to say, in that moment and every other moment forward, it is not about you and your challenging assignment. Be a source of stability marked by calm, clear and objective communication.
During my initial conversations with the Lopez Family, I made two promises to them:
I would always tell them the truth, even if the information hurt
And if I did not know the answer I would do everything I could to resolve their questions.
There will be a lot of questions regarding the death of their Marine. Many of the questions, specifically detailed inquiries about the Marine’s death, will not have immediate answers. Much like you are communicating with a Marine’s loved ones deliberately, clearly, and with certainty, higher and adjacent entities are also attempting to do the same concurrently. Remain patient for the “100%” answer as speculation can be far more damaging.
RFI Tracking and the Push and Pull of Information
Information was by far the most sought-after commodity. You must constantly push and pull information as fast as feasible without sacrificing certainty. As stated above, you may not have the in-depth information required to provide a clear and certain response to some questions. Diligently document and register information requests with the appropriate entity (most often Headquarters Marine Corps Casualty Branch).
I found that information I received, and the associated timelines, was very similar to how we handle Commander’s Critical Information Requirements. Balance was key and understanding the urgency of the information was critical. Any timeline, information regarding the “how, what, and why” of his death, or any question they had that was deemed urgent, was passed to them immediately. Other types of information that could wait until the next time I met with them (usually every day in the initial three weeks) did not trigger immediate notification.
This also applies to information that you need to conduct your duties. Serving as a CACO was a new experience and I needed guidance along the way, specifically with the details of administrative requirements and timelines influenced by other agencies. I tried to stay 24 hours ahead of administrative requirements. That allowed me to ask what questions and clarifications I had and receive a response a few hours prior to filling out the paperwork.
Sometimes questions would arise while filling out paperwork that I would not know the answer to or may not fully understand. I highly recommend taking a pause, writing down the questions you have, and moving on to another portion. Once you’ve completed it, compile your questions and seek guidance. I would step outside and start making calls to ensure I had the most accurate information for all of my questions, vice individual calls. I assessed that we saved more time and maintained a better rhythm of getting through multiple administrative requirements. It also provided a quick break, which is good for everybody involved.
Read the Room
As alluded to in previous paragraphs, there are an immense amount of administrative requirements that need to be accomplished. The documents are incredibly important and carry significant weight. The documents range from Service Group Life Insurance payouts, GI Bill, final pay, location of burial and many more that have significant impacts for the future of a Gold Star family. However, you must find balance in accomplishing these requirements. Despite the vast number of requirements and their critical importance, not every available moment is the best time to accomplish these tasks. Have a plan for how you will accomplish what needs to be done, allowing for additional time to provide emotional flexibility as the family processes not only the paperwork, but grief itself.
As an example, within the first few days of notifying the Lopez Family, we were on a flight to Dover, DE to attend Corporal Hunter Lopez’s dignified transfer. The dignified transfer occurs when a fallen service member returns from overseas to Dover Air Force Base and receives mortuary preparations before departing to where they will be laid to rest. Prior to beginning the autopsy and mortuary affairs, the fallen service member is carried in a coffin draped in an American flag from the aircraft they traveled on to an awaiting vehicle. The transfer from aircraft to ground transportation is conducted with an extremely professional and precise set of drill movements. This is a very emotional day for everyone involved and the mounting administrative requirements were not going to be checked off this day.
After the dignified transfer, we decided to extend our stay and go to Walter Reed to visit one of Hunter’s close friends and platoonmate, who was wounded in the same attack. After a quick dinner together, we decided to go visit some of the historical sites and monuments in Washington, D.C as not everyone in our group had seen them. We walked all over the town until the early hours of the morning seeing everything we could. The growing mountain of paperwork could wait till a layover.
Always remember to keep the main thing the main thing.
Lead Yourself Well
Serving as a CACO is a full-time commitment that can be mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding. Once assigned, it becomes your primary—and often sole—duty. Your phone will ring constantly, and there is always something that needs your attention. In my case, the challenge was compounded by a 90-minute commute each way to the Lopez family’s home. As a result, my daily responsibilities were delegated to the staff, allowing me to focus entirely on fulfilling my duties as a CACO. Every priority in my life began to revolve around this assignment. Fortunately, I was supported by an outstanding group of Marines, and my absence did not affect unit operations. Make sure your team is prepared to succeed—with or without you.
You must lead yourself well during this assignment. Each day, I set aside time to workout and made a rule that I would not answer any calls or messages except from the Lopez Family or the Marine Corps. This 90 minutes was crucial to decompress and ensure my physical fitness didn’t slip. I also ensured I had a few days worth of meals readily available so I could eat healthy and avoid excessive takeout. If you can not support yourself well, you will not be able to support others well. Eat healthy, stay active, maintain a sleep schedule, and find a way to decompress.
It's easy to go into “overdrive” and forget about yourself. While returning from DC, we were sitting in an airline conference room awaiting our next flight. One of the restaurants generously donated lunch to us. As everyone congregated in the room, I stepped out to return some calls I had missed while we were on the plane. I told myself I'd sit down and eat after this call. The calls continued until Mrs. Lopez came up to me and demanded I “sit down and eat one of these sandwiches.” Coffee and hard work were not going to overcome the requirement to eat.
If You Can, Forge a Relationship
For the month following notification, I spent almost every day with the Lopez Family. From flying to Dover AFB, to long car rides, to working through multiple packets of administrative requirements, many hours were spent together. CACO duty requires the highest standards of professionalism at all times, however, you can still be a human being. Not every conversation needs to be related to the death of their loved one. We took a genuine interest in each other as people and after two weeks, it seemed like we had known each other forever. They have met my family, they know my backstory, they know where I have been, what I want to do, and everything in between. The Lopez family is incredibly important to me, and we remain in touch to this day. The genuine interest and care we have for each other has aided in the development of a relationship that I respect and honor deeply.
I was privileged to glimpse a side of a Marine that few ever get to see. Rarely, if ever, do we see baby pictures, family vacation photos, home videos, or hear the funny stories from childhood. It was a rare and meaningful experience to see exactly where phenomenal Marines like Hunter Lopez come from.
Outside of the family you are serving, the relationships you form with other affected or supporting entities are critical. I would not have been effective as a CACO with out the support of Company G, 2nd Battalion, 1st Marines, and organizations like Honoring Our Fallen. My relationship to the leadership team in Company G was that of mutual support and a mutual desire to ensure the families of the fallen were cared for. The communication pathway between myself and Company G allowed for greater awareness of key events such as funeral/service dates, unit memorial ceremonies, redeployment welcome home, and company events.
For me, my main point of contact was the Company Commander. Our lateral coordination provided information we both needed to ensure the Lopez Family and the Marines of Company G were supported. As a CACO, you are the “most forward element” to a fallen Marines' loved ones. Assist the unit by helping them understand how things are going from your perspective, what unanswered questions does the family have, what should the unit know, and when are key events happening.
Using my assignment as an example, whether you are the CACO or the commander, you are now a part of the same team. Commanders, you can treat a CACO like an adjacent unit, establish a support relationship, or attach them to your company - figuratively speaking. I recommend the latter. Support each other in execution of your roles and as fellow Marines undertaking a challenging assignment. The “how are you doing? Do you personally need anything?” And the “tell me about yourself” went a long way.
Lastly, you will meet extraordinary individuals like Laura Herzog, the founder and CEO of Honoring Our Fallen. Supporting both Gold Star Families and CACOs in the immediate aftermath of tragedy has become her life’s work. By connecting with great Americans like Laura, you can build a strong support network and effectively manage the outpouring of assistance you will receive from the fallen Marine’s community.
An Enduring Assignment
CACO duty has the potential to be a life-changing assignment. I am forever changed—both as an officer and as a man—because of this mission. My relationship with the Lopez family has evolved over the years, growing stronger with time. In the beginning, I served as their primary point of contact for all matters related to the Marine Corps and the death of their son. To this day, I continue to support them through the Marine Corps, but most of our interactions now stem from the genuine relationship we have built and the deep care we have for one another. I recently attended a fundraiser for the Hunter Lopez Memorial Foundation, and in 2023, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez attended my promotion to Captain. While the nature of CACO duty is inherently difficult, I have found that the tragic circumstances under which we met—and the time we have spent together since—have created a lasting and meaningful bond.
Post-Script
This article is dedicated to Corporal Hunter Lopez. Those who served with him remember him as the best Team Leader in the company, a consummate professional, a selfless teammate, and an exemplary Marine.
The Lopez Family has created a foundation in Hunter’s honor, the Hunter Lopez Memorial Foundation. His foundation provides scholarships for selected high school students in La Quinta, CA and provides support to service members.
To learn more about Corporal Hunter Lopez and his foundation, please visit hunterlopezmemorialfoundation.org.
On this Memorial Day, we should also remember those who gave the last full measure of devotion alongside Hunter at Hamid Karzai International Airport.
Staff Sergeant Taylor Hoover
Staff Sergeant Ryan Knauss
Sergeant Nicole Gee
Sergeant Johanny Rosario Pichardo
HM2 Maxton Soviak
Corporal Daegan Page
Corporal Humberto Sanchez
Lance Corporal Rylee McCollum
Lance Corporal Dylan Merola
Lance Corporal David Espinoza
Lance Corporal Kareem Nikoui
Lance Corporal Jared Schmitz
Captain Brandon Gallahue is an Amphibious Combat Vehicle Officer and recently relinquished command of Headquarters & Support Company at the Assault Amphibian School. He can be reached at brandon.gallahue@usmc.mil.
You’re braver and better than I ever was or can be, Captain doing that job.
Honestly, your disciplined manner of doing your job reminds me of the mindful lives led by some Cistercian monks I've known. I'm very moved by your accounting of your experience here. In particular, you have retained your humanity rather than retreat to rote responses.